Sport: What happens next... February 08
In the competative world of sport we've gone one step further to predict what news could unfold this month...
Not so black and white after all
Having criticised Sam Allerdyce because his teams were too boring and defense-minded, the Toon Army turns on King Kev after too many swashbuckling 4-3 performances. The King realises there is no pleasing a black and white Toon so he launches a competition for the supports to fight it out to become coach for a match. Early auditions started well but unfortunately singing the fans songs about poor defense in the dressing room did nothing to boost moral. King Kev was called back in after the match under new management ended 3-11. Ooops! Think before you join the moaners Choir!
Murray's on mint form
Keegan leaves St James Park and takes up a new role as Positive Thinking Trainer on Andy Murray’s coaching team. Deflated after a first round exit at the Australian Open, Andy’s game immediately perks up, shooting him back into the world’s top ten rankings.
1,2,3, GO!
The FA are forced to ban all balloons from pre-match entertainment after football clubs across the country mysteriously start balloon racing competitions from opposition teams’ penalty areas minutes before kick off. Bryan Robson is disgusted with the move! Labelling the referee's airheads!
Beckham Returns
After proving his match fitness on a beach in Brazil, Beckham is picked for the British Beach Volleyball team for the 2008 Olympics in China. Posh seems excited by the opportunity and luanches a new Volleyball Clothing range complete with mobiles and lipstick puches. First trials found that they were a health and safety risk after players hips were knowcked out of joint when landing on their new IPOD phones. Apple refuses to take any responsibility and posh claims that her personal trainer designed them.
Playing Catch!
The England and Wales Test Cricketing Board are investigated after documents are leaked from the Home Office showing that they requested British citizenship for a certain Mr A C Gilchrist. Meanwhile England selectors still cannot find a wicket keeper good enough to fill the gloves on the tour of New Zealand. Scouts were last seen at Eton PE lessons.
Breathe in and relax.
England falter in the opening games of the Six Nations Rugby tournament because the players’ focus in the build up was on “enjoying themselves”. Brian Ashton as usual went along with the idea so a large part of the limited time the players had together was spent at theatres, on shopping trips or karting.
Swinging into action
After Ian Poulter claimed to be the only golfer capable of challenging Tiger Woods in any of the four Masters tournaments this year fellow professionals all give each other a prearranged signal on the driving range in Dubai and leave just Poulter and Woods practising.